A knife in my back

See the problem with most Christians is they don't live what they believe. And we wonder why so many choose not to believe. Look how we treat one another. I'm positive there is somewhere in the bible that says turn the other cheek. And I'm pretty sure he is a God of a second chance.yet we have become so judgmental. So quick to say no. I'm beyond hurt right now. To see him so upset. So hurt. Everyday his manhood is stripped from him. This blow was too much. The man was a hair away from having a job. Three interviews by three different people who obviously liked him. He was robbed by someone who couldn't do something as simple as mind their own business. But to turn him away for that reason and that reason only lets me know that much more about the people I work with and the people I work for.now we're back to square one. A good thirty year old father of two can't do anything for his family. A twenty four year old mother of two has to make one small income provide for four people. I am livid! This world would be a better place if people just minded their own business. I'm about ready to throw the towel in. I font think there is any amount of lithium to make me feel okay. the tracks are pretty busy this morning. sitting on them would be useless as some cruel soul would save me just so I could through the rest of my pathetic life. Should I not make it past this day due to some miracle I want my family to know that they ate my world.

Long Time Coming

So yeah. Got over him. Realized I only loved him because I thought he loved me. Found the man of my dreams and have a son together. Met him on my previous job. I was his manage for a while. I quit due to the tremendous amount of pressure. I became pregnant at my new place of employment. After my maternity leave I straightened up my act and climbed the ladder of success while he's still struggling to find employment. My earnings and child support for my daughter simply aren't enough to support m y family of four. Something needs to happen and happen soon. I've reached my breaking point. How is a msn supposed to feeel like a man when he can't properly support his family? I make sure he doesn't go without because he's trying so hard. For this to be the supposed land of opportunity it looks as though the door has been shut. We both have had it and the pressure is beginning to take a toll on our family. Will we shrivel up like a raisin in the sun? Is this another dream deferred?

after six months of not seeing his child

He decides to go file for custody of his daughter. She is enraged! First, the idea of having a child was a perfect fit for the life she wanted to lead. But since she is not living that life……the continuous “what if” floats in her mind. Not only did he file for custody of their daughter, he has alleged abuse. Her immediate thought as to why he did this was that he was attempting to hurt her. But as she thought about it, it became more evident that he just didn’t want to pay child support. He knows her temper. Knows that she cannot hold her composure when it comes to her daughter. But what he also knows (which he obviously forgot) is that she has the intelligence of Albert Einstein. If she hires an attorney, she will be able to speak for her. Her attorney would also be able to present evidence of the drug charge that he was convicted of…………

maybe things will be better soon

She saw him- the father of her child when picking her daughter up from his mother's house. It felt good for the three of them to be together, though there were no real words spoken between the two. She couldn't bare to look him in the eye because she loves him so much. Wanted to break out and run away yet stay for a while longer at the same time. He was putting on his daughter's tights when she said, "Put on her shoes Robert." He started to put the shoes on but had difficulty putting them on and she said, "Let me do it." He looked at her all goofy like with a half smile on his face and a full smile in his eye. Her heart, which had been racing since he'd stepped his foot in the door, stopped. She wanted to lean over and kiss him. But it was then when she noticed the fading hickey he sported on his neck. Her heart began to tremble. She looked away from his glance quickly. It's amazing how so much can happen in a matter of 2 seconds. Text message. His phone. "Is it her?" She thought. Apparently it was. And just as obvious, it was something negative. He said, "I'm unpredictable!!!" While this was amusing, she felt bad beacause with her saying that, it was a sign that she was beginning to learn him and know him the way she had.

how long til it stops hurting

She wonders this everyday. There's a quote somewhere which says something about absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones; as the wind blows out the candle yet fans the bonfire. The more each day passes by, the more she loves him. The more she loves him, the more people who love her push her away. She's becoming more and more isolated as time passes. She can't love her daughter without loving him. It's been five months since he's been gone and he has yet to call and even check up on his daughter which makes her feel like a bad parent for loving the one who is hurting her daughter.

a dream deferred: A Dream Deferred

a dream deferred: A Dream Deferred

A Dream Deferred

At 18 years of age, she thought she knew what i wanted out of life. She wanted a family. She wanted a Bill Cosby family- husband, wife, no outside children, the works. She met a man of 20 who had a three-year-old son. Within three months of meeting him she got pregnant. She thoroughly explained to the young man what kind of life she wanted for her child. There was one outside child and that she could not control. Long story short, the outside child turned out to be some other man's child, and he left the young lady three weeks after their baby was born. This was his first child and for the life of her she could not understand why he would leave her and the baby. Then she remembered the mental illness she had. Major depression disorder was the diagnosis. She realized her depression had pushed him away. She checked herself into a mental institution and is currently on her way to recovery. This young lady believed the love she and the young man had shared was true. The bad things she had done to him were because of an illness and surely true love would understand. The young man refuses to believe in mental illness; all he could say was that the young lady was crazy. So what happens to her dream? What is she to do when her only dream appears to have been destroyed? Her immediate answer, given her mental condition was to kill herself. For this was not the life she had imagined for her or her daughter. But there came a time when she realized all she could do was live.